When Green Gets Bored
by Aiellord
Summary: A spar between Ozpin and Ren turns into a hilarious adventure as harems are created, and Salem is angered. Ozpin and Ren must survive being avatars of awesome, dragging in Oobleck (secretly the Flash) into the fray as well. (A crossover sorta but mainly RWBY so I don't list it as such.)
1. An innocent spar, that's all

**Disclaimer:**

 **I own neither RWBY or Flash, unfortunately**

Ozpin was having one of those days. No, not one of those days, one of THOSE days, when time slows to a crawl and nothing can speed it back up. So, he decided to go down to the armory/practice room. Oh, sure, he might hurt someone, or traumatize them in battle, or maybe, just maybe, he'd find a good opponent.

Ozpin was in luck.

Lie Ren was also having one of THOSE days. Jaune was out training with Pyrrha, Pyrrha was mentally screaming about Jaune's obliviousness, and Nora was out cold. Ren was actually an amazing fighter, and only Nora knew. Even she didn't know the full range of his powers. One gets good on the road with no home, or one dies. He held back so as not to be placed on a pedestal, a feeling Pyrrha knew all too well. So Ren went up to the armory/practice room.

Ozpin stared at Ren. Ren stared at Ozpin. They had agreed to a spar, with not their own weapons, but ALL of the armory weapons.

"BEGIN", shouted the virtual announcer.

At first they didn't seem to move, and then all the eye could see was two green blurs bouncing off of the walls and each other.

Teams RWBY, and JPN had gone to the library, and were studying when they heard the crashes. They ran outside, weapons drawn, and almost ran smack into Professer Goodwitch.

"Students... you'll want to see this."

16 hours later...

The entire school was awestruck as Ren and Ozpin still continued to fight. Parts of the building had long since collapsed, and new armies of fangirls had been created.

"A draw, then... Professer?" Asked Ren, who was wearing out.

"That... sounds good, Mister Ren" Panted Ozpin, himself tiring.

They clashed for a few more seconds, and then suddenly, they were still, in the center of the arena, shaking hands.

"You have considerable prowess, Ren."

"You certainly more than lived up to expectations, Professer. Say... How long has it been?"

There was a long pause, as the combatants realized that they had been fighting for over 16 hours, and that much of the female population of the academy, chiefly Team RWBY, Nora, and Professer Goodwitch were staring at them with streaks of blood running out of their noses. So of course Ozpin and Ren did the only thing that any sensible person would have done. They ran for Ozpin's office fast enough to give Oobleck a run for his money, creating a sonic boom as they went.


	2. Attack of the Harem or Salem gets mad

The doors had been slammed. Three-foot-thick slabs of iron had dropped into place, and still Ozpin feared, for the first time in years. Ren also feared. Both knew the power and dangers of harems. They were sprinting up the stairs toward Ozpin's office (the glass had long since been barred with iron slabs, triggered with the rest) when they ran smack into Oobleck. Literally.

"Ozpin", Oobleck grimly intoned, "The force has been breached. Awesome needs new heralds."

"We are the only candidates, we three, yes, you as well Ren, I'll explain on the way, this supercedes even the harems. We can trust him, Barry."

"So, Ren, I have to tell you, I", said Barry(?) am a speedster. I was dragged here by my arch-nemesis, Reverse-Flash, and we've been stranded ever since. We actually arrived 6,000 years ago."

"Back in my day." Ozpin put in

"When Reverse-Flash used the Speed Force, our power source, to create a power-amplifying energy field he dubbed the 'Awesome Field', I never found out why. Anyways, I am Barry Allen, I am the FLASH!"

Ren stared for a minute. Then, he used a technique he'd been working on to measure...Flash's... Aura. He wasn't lying.

"Ok." Ren said.

"Anyways, the Awesome Field is infused with dust-laced Speed Force, resulting instead of a Speed Boost, a power boost. We've kept it contained, but it's now been released. We have to absorb it before anyone else does."

"How much of a power boost?"

"Reality-breaking."

The trio ran down the halls, until they saw a glowing, golden maelstrom of lightning.

"Activate your auras." Ozpin commanded.

The force moved closer, and then...seeped into the three beings. They convulsed, feeling power beyond power move into them. They were the heralds of Awesome.

 **CRASH!!**

And they were dead men if the harems caught them.

"Nooooooooooooooo!" Ozpin shrieked. "The Awesome Field supercharged everything about us. Speed, power, attractiveness!"

Ren shuddered, his eyes widening as he grasped the implications. He turned...and all the weapons of the female population of Beacon fired and slammed into his aura barrier. He wasn't out, but incredibly weakened. Team RWBY and Nora swooped in and grabbed him. Ozpin and Barry ran on, slamming the door of impenatrableness (a relic, don't ask) behind them.

"Now...gasp" panted Barry, "How do we save Ren?"

Far away, in a different dimension, Salem watched the feed through the geist's eyes. She was displeased. Ozpin and she had been in a relationship prior to the whole Grimm/Apocalypse/Betrayal thing, and she was confident she'd eventually win him back. She just had a few harems to kill now, that was all. She turned to a sea of Grimm outside her castle.

"PREPARE FOR WAR!!"

 **A/N: Yeah, this only gets more ridiculous. So, who should I pair Ren and Ozpin with? And where should Reverse-Flash turn up next? All reviews appreciated, but please no hate. Thanks for reading**

 **-Aiellord**


	3. Ren's Torment or Speed Force Mystery

When Ren came to, he was at first questioning the universe's logic. He'd never considered himself hot, but here he was in a room full of hot girls...

Crap. The harem thing. He'd forgotten about that.

He looked at his captors, and almost cried out in despair. Ruby was in a costume designed to emphasize her cuteness. Weiss was in what could only be described as princess lingerie, Blake's outfit was all about the cat ears and cuddly, Nora... Nora _Valkyrie._ HA! And Yang was just in her normal outfit. Ren mentally cursed the universe for putting him in this spot. He really had not considered romance at all before or during his time at Beacon, but now...

Now he was really regretting not planning for a scenario like this.

Choose one and the rest kill you.

Choose none and they all kill you.

He doubted even the Schnees could legalize polygamy. He was wrong, but didn't know it yet. He slowly backed away, his movement barely perceptible.

"Well, hello."

"Hello, Ren." Blake purred.

A sweatdrop gathered on the back of Ren's head.

Ozpin was pacing back and forth in his office. He felt the tremors in the ground even from here as Glynda led an attack to breach the tower.

"Think, Ozpin, think!", he berated himself. "How do we save Ren from his harem?"

"We'll need to shore up defenses." Barry stated. "I intercepted a transmission, the Schnees are petitioning for the legalization of polygamy."

"Crap! It's like some anime!"

"You know," Barry began,

"No, Barry. You can't phase through the walls. Using that much of the Speed Force would alert Thawne."

"I meant Project Monolith. It was just finished a few months ago."

"It would seem to be our only option, old friend.", Ozpin said as he reached for a button on his desk.

 **A/N: So, Ren is in danger from his harem. The Schnees are trying to legalize polygamy. Glynda is attacking the tower and for some reason, Barry can't use too much of the Speed Force. What is Project Monolith? When will Salem show up. And please help me choose? Nora, Yang, Blake, or Weiss? Not gonna pair Ruby with Ren, FYI. Who should I pair, though? Please review.**

 **-Aiellord**


	4. Project Monolith or Salem on the march

The tower containing Ozpin's office began to transform. Legs and arms sprouted, a seemingly infinite number of firearms sprouting out of concealed niches. The office became the head, viewscreens appearing all around. Ozpin and Barry darted back and forth, walking the huge marching toward the first-year dorms, blasting back Glynda's forces.

"I love this thing!", shouted Barry. "Go go Power Rangers, Megazords!"

Ozpin sighed, knowing full well of the Power Rangers...interesting plot line, and continued with his work.

Ren was jumping all around the room, avoiding the girls' attempts to grab him. He knew, however, that it was only a matter of time.

"Come back, Ren." Weiss implored in a petulant voice.

Ren ran on, but was caught by the blunt end of Ruby's scythe. He looked at the girls, at their hungry expressions, at the giant robot outside the window-

Wait just a minute.

"FIRE!" Ozpin yelled.

Barry complied, and the robot launched a missile into the dorm wall, blasting Ren's harem backwards.

"GET IN!" Barry yelled over a loudspeaker.

Ren didn't hesitate. Using all the sick anime moves he could use (and that was a lot) he ran, jumped, vaulted, and scrambled up the robot to an open door, and in a matter of seconds was in the command office.

"We have to get out of here." Ren panted.

"Then it's a good thing this baby's waterproof." Ozpin declared.

"Wait," Barry said. "What are you doiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnngggg?!"

That last bit was because Ozpin had drove the robot off the cliff, and into the lake. The robot sank to the bottom and shifted back into it's tower form.

"Ozpin," Ren panted, "Please, for the love of the moon, _never_ do that again!"

Salem's Grimm armada marched to a monolith somewhere in the alternate dimension. She checked her watch.

"BLOOD AND BLOODY ASHES!" She cried. "We missed the full moon! That's a week in this dimension we have to wait!"

A portal cut into the dimension and out stepped Raven Branwen.

"Let's see, she muttered. I need to be back at the tribe in... holy crap."

Raven stared at Salem and her Grimm army. Salem and her Grimm army stared at Raven.

"OK, I need to let Ozpin know, even if it means breaking my rule. This army..."

Raven cut open another portal and leapt into it.

"Tell Ozpin I love him!", Salem cried out.

 **A/N: Go go Power Rangers! Also, Raven enters the script. Interesting... Please review**

 **-Aiellord**


	5. An interlude with the Branwens

Raven was panting, having flown hundreds of miles to Vale. She ran into the bar she knew her brother would be at. He was indeed there, waiting for her.

"Whaddaya want, Rae?" Qrow Branwen gruffly asked. "I can't waste too much time on family abandon-"

"Shut up, Qrow. This is serious."

Qrow knew that when. Raven said something was serious, it was pretty flaming serious, so he kept quiet for the moment.

"Salem has an army of Grimm. All of them. Dragons, Goliaths, Nuckelavees, Geists, you name it, it's there. She's leading them to our world in a month."

"And... you want me to...?"

"I know you'll hate this, but I need you to let Atlas know. I've flown non-stop from Mistral, I can't go any further. "

Qrow sighed. Of _course_ he'd have to go let Jimmy and that stuck-up pig of a Schnee know about this.

"Fine. You let Ozpin know. If you live through Beacon." Qrow started laughing, and was out of the bar before Raven could ask him what he meant. She was drained, but she stil managed to make it to her old dorm room.

Her old dorm room which just so happened to be occupied by her daughter and friends.

Crap.

"MOM!" Yang cried out. "I am too desperate to hate you right now I have to show you this andiknowyouvaluestrengthsopleasehelpmepleasepleasepleasePLEASE!!"

While Yang was ranting, she had led a very confused Raven to a private room, where her other harem rivals couldn't stop her. She brought up a recording of Ren and Ozpin's fight.

16 hours later

"So," Raven began "You want me to help you win over this Ren guy."

"YES PLEASE."

"He's impressive. A fitting match for you. I'll do it" And, thought Raven, maybe start to make up for leaving you.

"THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!"

Atlas...

Qrow pulled out his scroll and played the recording. James Ironwood and Winter Schnee stared.

"I suppose this would be the time to tell you that I'm headed to Beacon anyway, to help set up my sister with this 'Ren' person, so I'll coordinate." Winter declared, before marching out of the room.

"Qrow, what can we do?"

"I don't know, James."

In a dark room, many miles away, Adam Taurus and his second in command, the Lieutenant, listened in on Qrow and James' conversation.

"We're moving the Fang to Vale to help with the defense. It's our only chance for survival, and this might help paint us in a new light."

"But sir, what about Cinder?"

"She's too besotted with Ozpin right now to notice, and I don't think she'd care. Lieutenant, I'm leaving you in charge for a little while."

"Why sir?"

"I need to help my sister, Blake. One last time. There's this Ren person she was telling me about..."

 **A/N: The world of Remnant prepares for the coming of Salem's armada, with just under a month to prepare. Raven starts to help Yang get Ren, while trying to patch things up between them. Winter is aiding Weiss with the same problem, as Adam tries to save his people, and tie up loose ends with Blake by helping her with Ren as well. Adam is less of the heartless death machine most people think he is and more of an antihero in this fic. Also, Ozpin's harem (Glynda, Salem) now welcomes Cinder to the ranks! Please read and review. Thanks!**

 **-Aiellord**


	6. Plots and Betrayals

"We need something to delay this harem problem." Ren stated. "If we can't find a way out of this, they will catch us, eventually."

"I know," Ozpin intoned, "and I fear my harem is more dangerous than yours. Glynda and some Cinder girl who keeps texting me, along with...Salem."

The name brought the temperature of the room down a few degrees.

Barry was down in the lower levels of the tower when he saw him. A man in a yellow suit. The two beings instantly _moved,_ and time stopped. Or near enough. Barry hadn't run this fast in far too long, but Eobard had the ability to _feel_ when other speedsters tapped into the force. He'd been forced to keep his speed under 1,000 miles per hour, about the top speed of an interesting curiosity named Ruby Rose. Not important. He was truly running for the first time in years. Him and Eobard phased through the walls, chasing, bouncing, fighting, running throughout the tower, and then outside in the water. Barry had long since switched to his upgraded flash suit, with his true weapon contained within, not the thermos. Eobard struck at him, a thousand million billion strikes a second with his chosen weapon, a claymore, but Barry blocked all of the thrusts with his scimitars. He and Eobard rushed into the room to see...

5 minutes earlier.

Raven sliced open a portal, and she and Yang stepped through. They pressed their ears up against a wall, and listened to Ren rant.

"...and then there's the intimacy aspect. I can't let them catch me! What if they want to go..."

Raven pulled her and Yang away from the wall.

"Here's the plan. I bust in, you leap backwards going 'Waugh!' Ren's protective instincts kick in, he grabs you, and I open a portal to a secluded home in mistral, where you guys bond. Got it?"

"Yep. Let's do this!"

1 minute earlier

"So, we both bust in, and I act like I'm attacking you. He jumps in to save you, and then..."

"And then I go 'No, Adam, WHYYYYY' all dramatically, and Ren and I escape. I get him alone, we bond."

"I don't think that will work, Blake. Where will you go?"

"Some room! It'll work, trust me!"

"OK, let's do it."

1 minute earlier

"Weiss, I want him now!"

"Winter, you told me you'd help!"

"Too bad, young lady."

"I'm three years younger than you are!"

"GRAH!"

Back to the present...

All three parties burst in at the same time, leaving Ren and Ozpin to dodge their attacks le matrix-style. Raven sliced open a portal, but at the same time, Barry and Eobard came crashing in, and the Speed Force lightening altered the portal, drawing Ren in, along with Raven, Winter, Barry, Eobard, and Ozpin. The portal remained open, leaving Weiss, Blake, and Yang to stare.

 **A/N: DUN DUN DUN!! The Reverse-Flash returns. Also, Winter is part of Ren's harem now. Poor Ren. FYI, the tower is still underwater, but Barry and Eobard's vibrating compensated. Salem will approach Vale soonish. Please review so I know who to pair Ren and Ozpin with. So far, the only vote is for Renora. Thanks for reading!**

 **-Aiellord**


	7. Crossovers episode 1

**A/N: I am about to cross over with so many franchises here, so this disclaimer says I don't own ANY OF THEM.**

Those who were sucked into the portal were trying not to scream, as another portal opened beneath them, and they were dumped into the middle of...somewhere. A tall redhead walked up to greet them.

"Blood and bloody ashes! Who are...Ozpin?"

"Yeah that's... Rand?"

"It's been too long. What exactly brings you to...here?"

"Magic portal glitch."

"Ah, well, I'll see what I can do to..."

Another portal opened beneath them, and they all dropped through, excluding Rand al'Thor, the Dragon Reborn. But, there was a way to get back now, if they ever needed to.

The portal then dumped them into Barry's world. The Reverse-Flash ran off screaming "I'M FREE SUCKERS!" Ozpin nudged Barry himself, prompting him to go.

"No, Ozpin, I can wait a while longer."

A portal opened...

...and they were dropped into a horde of goblins. Ren had had it up to _here_ by this point, and he wasn't holding back anymore. He flipped hidden catches on StormFlower, and they shifted into scimitars. the small band clove their way through the goblins until they came across another who wielded scimitars. Drizzt Do'Urden. Ren looked at Drizzt. Drizzt looked at Ren. The silent knowledge that they were related over hundreds of thousands of billions of years passed between them. Or something like that. The universe-hoping party was then again flung through space-time.

They came across the writer as he/she was typing the story.

"Crap. I didn't mean to write a fourth-wall break."

"But," interrrupted Deadpool, also fourth-wall breaking, "Ya did anyway."

Winter attempted to throttle the writer, almost making it to him/her, pleading for him/her to set her up with Ren.

"OOOK, I'm putting you guys in an elevator from now on."

"An elava-" was all that Raven got out, before an elevator enclosed them all and dropped down a few dimensions.

"Soo... am I gonna be relevant to the story at all?" Asked Deadpool.

"I don't even know what this is anymore, Wade." Sighed the author.

Floor: Marvel

The doors opened to reveal Galactus battling the X-Men.

"DAMN YOU AUTHOR!!!" Shrieked Ozpin.

The elavator rattled a bit, knocking him to the ground.

"Hardy har har."

Floor: Minecraft

Everyone was inundated with redstone blocks.

Floor: Ozzy Ozbourne concert, 20th Century

Ozpin screamed, hit the close door button repeatedly, and pressed random knobs in an overly dramatic effort to get the doors to close. It worked, and his secret was saved, although Ren shot him a glare.

Floor 216

Red.

Floor 217

Blue.

Floor: DEATH BATTLE!!

Everyone kinda lost it for a bit.

Floor:...

The elavator paused for a dramatic reveal, just to troll the occupants.

"COME ON!" Barry yelled.

...just for that, read the elavator's ticker, I'm going somewhere else.

Floor...Salem's Dimension.

The doors opened to reveal Salem checking her watch with a massive Grimm army in front of a monolith. She turned at the elavator's now-ominous ding, and saw _him. That man. That perfect man. Ozpin_.

"Oh dear," muttered said man.

"Ozpin!! I missed you so much now please can we betogetheragainforeverandeverandwaitwhyistheelavatorclosingnononononononoNO! Curse you elavator!!"

"So you and Salem..." Ren began, "Was that a-"

"Drop it please."

...sorry about that... read the elavator ticker.

Floor: right where you started.

The occupants got out of the semi-sentient elavator, and three of them promptly ran off.

"Aww..." muttered those of the harems.

TO BE CONTINUED

 **A/N: So yeah. Probably gonna have a kid napping scene soon. And Salem. *shudders* Poor, poor Ozpin. Also, gonna have the tale up soon that I teased about in Monsters and Masks soon, so yay. Thanks for reading.**


	8. EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY: REN VS NORA

As our trio of heroes ran through the tower, harems hot on their heels, they realized that they were running out of room. They ducked down a hidden side passage, and were almost in the clear, when they were blocked by one figure.

"Ren."

"Nora."

"Come with me, I'm not as crazy as everybody else. I found a hidden room on the 321st floor where we can take shelter."

"Ms. Valkyrie, are you referring to my bed-"

"SHUSH! Beds? Ha! Who said anything about beds I don't know why I'd want a room with a bed certainly not to..."

Ren gave her his best 'not fooling me' deadpan.

"Frigg. All right you got me. But there's only one way we can settle this, Ren."

"A rap battle."

Ren and Nora were then engulfed by a glowing light as a rapper's background track started to play. Nora emerged in denim shorts and an athletic tank-top, with money shades and multiple bracelets. Ren came out in black jeans and a deep green t-shirt, clad in a psychic-type amulet and Morpheus Shades.

Ozpin stared in confusion. Barry facepalmed.

A non corporeal announcer yelled BEGIN. And it. Was. On.

I'm Queen of the castle, an electric type,

Bringing all the hype

Cause you're lamer then Skype

The sloths, they adore me, the knights bow before me

But you my dear Ren are beginning to bore me.

 _If I may interject it may have some affect as dear Ozpin's ears are beginning to bleed._

 _Your raps are that bad,_

 _and it's making me mad that you're trying to finish the deed._

 _I'm a ninja, a sneaker, a shadow of the night_

 _And at least on tests I get a few things right._

 _You say you bring the hype but I have the hunger,_

 _for an actual battle,_

 _So bring on the thunder._

 _Well, well, Ren tries to defeat me, of course,_

 _I think it's time to bring out the Norse._

 _You, my friend would be a good philosopher,_

 _As for me, I'll sail with the conquerors._

 _I make Mjolnir jealous_

 _Magnhild's twice as bad_

 _And even Thor gets scared when Nora gets mad_

 _So you got good grades, my oh my_

 _But when you die,_

 _this Valkyrie's gonna let you lie._

 _I thought you couldn't possibly rap any worse_

 _I was wrong._

 _It's like ya got a curse on your verse._

 _A warrior requires discipline, something you lack_

 _And I have it in spades of green, purple, and black._

 _You think you're cool cause you're like Pikachu, well guess what,_

 _I don't choose you._

 _You may have the blessings of Odin and Frey_

 _But Psychic beats Electric type any day._

The rap track faded out and Ren and Nora returned to their usual appearances.

"Who won!?" Ozpin asked.

 **A/N and that's what I'm asking YOU, readers. Ren and Nora's fates are in your hands. Don't worry though, I'll reveal Ozpin's secret soon. Hint: something to do with why he avoided the Ozzy Osbourne concert. Guess away, dear readers.**

 **-Aiellord**


	9. Actual Plot

The Lieutenant moved up to the waiting desk, and handed the desk lady the paperwork.

"There. We've all signed the waivers."

The lady raised an eyebrow.

"All of them."

The eyebrow rose higher.

"...Fine. I'll have the other 20,000 sign it."

"I'm sure you will."

Seriously, who's idea was it to require registration as a paramilitary group that had intent to ally with a city or nation?

Oh. Right. Schnees did.

Muttering to himself, The Lieutenant moved to fax waivers to the rest of the Fang.

General Ironwood (NO PUN INTENDED) was scared for the first time in years. An army of Grimm was rampaging across Sanus and he couldn't stop it. It was powered by-

NO.

Thinking about it only amplified it's power.

"Fire everything and run for Beacon. And activate Project Kamehameha."

Atlas's finest warships unleashed all that they had left, blasts so powerful the recoil pushed the massive ships back. Beams of white pulverized the sea of Grimm, butt they were replaced by others of their brethren. Soldiers and Atlesian Knights alike fired at smaller avian Grimm on the tops of their warships, and still it was not enough.

And it was all because of _her._

Yes, James Ironwood was very afraid.

His massive ships, drained of their ammunition, turned and focused all remaining power to their engines, but a blast from _her_ weapon put an end to the tail ship.

The remainder of James' fleet limped onwards.

 **A/N: Man, I haven't visited this piece of crap in ages! Don't worry, a Volume One Finale is on the way! It'll actually look like a competent piece of writing! There will be detailed fight scenes! Ozpin's secret revealed! But, the Harem factor will remain. Stay tuned!**


	10. Act one of THE END

**I am about to reference so many things here. I can't even count all the things. And this is just the beginning. Without further ado, WHEN GREEN GETS BORED: VOLUME ONE FINALE, ACT ONE!!**

Ren and Ozpin dashed through Beacon, Barry and Nora behind them, appearing no more than a blur to the untrained eye. To the trained eye, they looked like two idiots having a panic attack, an exasperated traveler, and someone who was fighting down a crush, big time.

Their footsteps clacked through the halls, rushing to the center of the tower that they might rally Vale's huntsmen to defend against the army of Grimm that was approaching. Ozpin paused. "Is it just me," he began, "Or has the quality of this story skyrocketed exponentionally?"

"Ozpin..." Barry began, "Did you just... break the fourth wall?"

A fearful expression crossed Ozpin's face, as his skin turned grey. "Dear dust. Reality is breaking. And the only thing that could do that is-"

"DEADPOOL!"

The party of four turned to see the person in question walk out of an elavator.

"Wow, it is interesting to be in this story again, love the new writing style. More story-y instead of half-insane ramblings, you know, i think I could get to like this place."

"Deadpool..." Ozpin began, "We are having to deal with SO MUCH right now. Shouldn't you wait till volume two?"

"Eeeey, you broke the fourth wall, Ozzy!"

Ozpin once again paled. Deadpool wasn't opting to move, with a smirk plastered on his mask, so Nora blasted him to smithereens with a grenade.

"What?" She asked, seeing everyone staring at her. "He heals."

They couldn't refute that. They continued on their run to the tower's center. Getting in an elevator, they pressed the button for the 314th floor.

ding*

 _Meanwhile..._

The Grimm were advancing. Hordes upon hordes crashed against Vale's walls. A nightmare scene of black fur, white bone, and red eyes. And Jaune Arc was tired. He and Pyrrha were among the few who hadn't fallen victim in some way or another to the Harem Energies, and were taking potshots and swings at the Grimm. They, along with Team SSSN and some soldiers, were trying to keep the Grimm at bay. A crack spread against the wall.

"SAGE!" Sun yelled. "Push back on the wall! We can't let it be breached!"

"On it!" Sage yelled, smashing the flat of his blade on the wall, and pushing back hard. His aura was visibly straining against the forces outside. Namely, Two Goliaths and a Nuckelavee. Pyrrha, Neptune and Scarlet fired at the Grimm, but the Nuckelavee swept them off the wall. Sun sent two of his clones off the wall, reveling in the roars of pain that they caused in exploding, before joining Sage, and now Jaune, in heaving against the wall. To no avail. Larger cracks spread against the wall, before it crumbled completely. The Goliaths charged, knocking Sage and Scarled back. The Nuckelavee stepped forward, before whipping it's arms around to strike.

Shwunk-ching!

Jaune, Sun, Pyrrha and Neptune looked up to see who it was who had saved them. A cigar fell to the ground.

 _Back at the tower..._

ding*

Ozpin, Ren, Barry, and Nora stepped out of the elavator, to be greeted by a horrible site. Cinder, who had the full Fall Maiden powers, standing alongside Glynda. In front of them, Team RWBY. Cinder walked toward in a sultry manner.

"Ozpin, dear, won't you come with me?"

"Ozpin, don't listen to her," Glynda began. "come with me, where we can get away from all this, have some fun..."

"I'm afraid I'm rather busy, some other time, perhaps?"

"That," They said in unison, "will not do." And they launched themselves at Ozpin, tacking him into an adjacent room. Ren began to follow, but Nora stopped him.

"Ozpin will be fine, but we need to contact the Huntsmen. Go. I'll hold off RWBY."

"Nora..."

"Go, Ren."

Ren hesitated, then turned and ran toward the core of the tower, evading RWBY's attacks. Nora followed him for a bit, only to turn around and face RWBY.

"I won't let you have him."

"I will not allow you that choice." Weiss stated primly. "YEAH, Renny's all mine," declared Yang. "I'm gon-"

Whatever lewd remark she was about to make was stopped by a war hammer to the face.

Barry moved...

 _In da past...kinda_

Eobard Thawne was bored. Being a speedster, he'd literally done everything else he could think of, so he ran into the future. And saw Beacon Academy. So he moved, and tackled Barry through the walls, phasing outside. Wind. Wind on their faces as the speedsters moved and time stopped. As footsteps echoed on the side of a tower and swords clashed as they ran. They ran, putting their weapons away, opting for a true test, each straining to outpace the other, running through the streets and fast-growing ruins of Vale. They happened to pass something very interesting...

 _back with Arkos and Team SSSN..._

Why?" said the liar to the thief. "Why help us?"

"Kid, it's not what we have to gain, it's that we can't afford to lose."

"Well, never thought I'd be saying this... Thank you, Roman. And you guys too."

Neo bowed elegantly, while Emerald and Mercury nodded. Roman cleared his throat. "We need a game plan, any ideas?"

Jaune hesitated, but then saw Pyrrha give him a thumbs-up. He stepped forwards.

"Yeah, actually. Neptune, Pyrrha, take he tallest building you can find and start sniping. Emerald, Scarlet, protect the civilians, get them to move back to the safe zones. Sage, and I will take the ones on the ground. Neo and Sun, take the ones in the sky.

"Um, Jaune? Pyrrha and I need a lift."

"Good thing I modded this, then."

Jaune turned, and saw an Atlesian Paladin, with Bullhead wings welded on and multiple illegal, if more powerful guns welded to it as well. It had Roman's symbol spray painted on, and to lessen the doubt that it was him, his voice blasted from the speakers.

"Alright. Roman, give them a lift, and don't let any get by 3rd Street. You turn them back or turn them to ash. And Mercury? Dance."

"Aww yeah."

Mercury started to do so, breakdancing, and then pulled a spinning kick that saved Scarlet from a Beowolf, killing it with a shot from his leg-guns.

"Ready? Break!"

Roman grabbed Neptune and Pyrrha, flying them to the tallest nearby building, and then rocketed towards 3rd and Aspen, vaporizing any Grimm he saw. Neo teleported her and Sun to a Griffon's back, whereupon they started an aerial slaughter of the nearby Grimm. Emerald and Scarlet ran behind Roman, whereupon they began curbstomping any Grimm that had made it past the perimeter, protecting the civilians. Jaune and Sage merely killed any Grimm they saw, sticking together.

 _And now, back to our regularly scheduled Ozpin..._

...who was currently with his back against the wall. His cane, The Relic of Knowledge, danced as it held of Glynda's attacks. Cinder inadvertently aided by knocking her rival out, and she crashed into Weiss and Blake, aiding Nora. Ruby was already unconscious, having taken a Pancake Grenade (patent pending). However, she was having a tough time with Yang. Her attacks only charged Yang's Semblance, and the inherent Harem Energies only added to that. Magnhild and Ember Celica traded blow after blow, the echoes resounding throughout the chamber. Faster still was Ren's typing, wanting only to put out the call.

"Ren is MINE. Leave, Yang."

"Why would I do that. Renny's none of our's yet, although I think I might have you... outclassed."

Nora breathed, in, out. In, out. And took a punch to the gut. However, Yang had made a costly error. Her last rounds for her gauntlets were lightning Dust. Crackling with electricity, Nora arose, Magnhild gripped in one hand, a cheshire grin plastered on her face.

Yang gulped. "Uh oh."

She did not say anything further then that, as she was launched through the window.

 _Back to team...Oh I give up. CUE THE AVENGERS MUSIC!!_

Neptune rapid-fired from his rifle, downing the Grimm that were scaling the buildings. Pyrrha sniped with her rifle, aiming a shot that soared down the street, taking out a Grimm headed for Sage. Jaune preformed an air-slice attack, killing an Ursa, before allowing Sage to hit his shield, executing a sonic attack that took out a Deathstalker. It's corpse flew towards Scarlet and Emerald, who were curbstomping any that tried to attack the civilians. Emerald swung her chain weapon, and Scarlet fired his grappleshot, together bringing down a small Griffon that had been headed towards Sun and Neo, who where fighting small Creeps on top of a Giant Nevermore. Neo ripped open it's back armor, allowing Sun's clones to leap in and kill the thing from inside as Roman's Paladin flew by, incinerating everything with it's highly experimental and probably illegal SDC cannons. The group reformed in a plaza, only to find themselves face-to-face with two of the deadliest men alive. Watts and Hazel.

Mercury, on the other hand, was having the time of his life. Nothing was getting past his amazing dancing skills. If only there was a soundtrack. However, his as-of-yet unbroken combo streak was shattered when he took a drop kick to the gut. He stood up to face Tyrian Callows, grinning like a loon. Mercury didn't know much A about Tyrian, only that he was one of Salem's top warriors, extremely deadly, and insane. There was only one way he stood a chance. Mercury started to dance.

"Ooh child, things are gonna get easier."

Tyrian slumped over, but then popped his head up. "What is this?"

Mercury pulled a spin. "Dance off bro! You and me."

Tyrian pondered this for a moment, possibilities whirring in his mind. "What the hey? I'm bored."

 _At the tower..._

Ozpin had way more relics then most people thought. He often used the Relic of Time to peer into what was, and what could be. He had seen one possible future, where he'd thrown a fight to Cinder, knowing he would transmigrate and survive in a new body. That Ozpin believed he could do more good from the shadows. This Ozpin had one thought as his cane danced a melody around Cinder, striking well over a hundred times a second. 'Screw that.' Cinder's prone form slid next to Yang's broken one, as Nora leaned on Magnhild and Ren approached.

"Nora. What did I say about legs?"

"...Not to break them. I'm sorry Ren."

Ren sighed. "It's ok Nora. I'm sure they'll be fine."

Ozpin ran up, and breathed a sigh of relief as he saw huntsmen and huntresses converging around Vale. And then the skies broke open as a Grimm Portal opened. The skies were bathed in crimson as all of Grimm poured onto Remnant. And with them came GRIMM. A massive drake of a size akin to that of Ancalagon the Black. And atop GRIMM was Salem. Facing GRIMM was the last resort of Atlas. Project Kamehameha was a mile-long flying cannon that was pulled by four massive tugs. Powered by aura, an enourmous gravity dust crystal, spiral power, a dilithium matrix, and an arc reactor, it was the equivalent of the Infinite Mass Punch(es). And only one man was atop it. James Ironwood poured all his aura into his machine, charging his shot, and targeting GRIMM. The energ buildup reached critical mass. A shot was fired, so powerful the ship was launched back from the recoil, the shot itself speeding toward it's target, and-

Barry and Eobard danced and fought and merged melded separated ran ran ran fought. They ran so fast as to be a blur. Past Mercury breakdancing with/against Tyrian. Past Adam Taurus redeeming himself as he fought Arthur Watts one-on-one, while Remnant's Avengers battled Hazel, as the White Fang fought the Grimm and saved all of the civilians. And they ran back in time, running back six months ago, to where a farmboy had found a broken sword.

Oscar found himself reforging the sword, not knowing how, only knowing it was right. He pounded the iron and struck the steel and he found himself holding Hades Incarnate, commander of the dead. Which now turned into a shovel. Oscar erode. Rode to the mountain of the dead as an orchestra played the Rohan theme. And he entered.

"Where is everyone?"

"We are the dead. We heard the call of the sword and we arose. You, Oscar are the heir to the throne of Narnia, and-"

"No. I know Narnia isn't real. Elements from fiction have been seeping into my life. So WHY IS IT HAPPENING?"

"In six months... something happens that breaks reality."

"Then we will be ready."

Oscar didn't know how to fight. Not yet, but he'd train with the dead. And he would lead them to save what was left of his world. He couldn't lose anything else. As he picked up his Shovelsword, he thought he saw streaks of lightning.

Barry and Eobard ran, ran up to the portal, the Speed Force destablilizing it. Kamehameha's shot was blocked by the one force that all feared. Salem lowered her weapon, a keytar that was somehow neon black, as she donned a sequined jacket and awful shades.

"BEHOLD! THE POWER OF DISCO!"

 **Next Time: Ozpin vs. Salem, Lord of the Rings, Mercury's Semblance, Adam's Fate, speedster action in detail, and teams ROCK and DSQO. I don't have anything against disco, I. Just thought it would be funny. And also, OZPIN'S SECRET REVEALED!! Sorry this is taking forever, but I will finish it! I hope... Stay tuned!**

 **-Aiellord**


	11. PART TWO OF THE END

**A/N: Here we go again! To answer a nonexistent question, Volume Two will be continued on the same fic. I don't mind the lack of reviews (no news is good news) but would appreciate some. Pretty please? And without further ado: WHEN GREEN GETS BORED VOLUME ONE FINALE, ACT TWO!**

"Yes. Yes! YES! With the power of disco, nothing can stop me now! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

All of Remnant quaked in fear as Salem, Queen of the Grimm and 4-time roller-disco champion fired a salvo of aura-enhanced notes from her neon-black keytar, obliterating Project Kamehameha. What remained of Vale's defenses attempted to destroy her, but another salvo of notes- _Billy Jean's, a got my love-_ put an end to that.

"Face me Ozpin. So that I might defeat you and win back your heart!"

Meanwhile, Ozpin ran to the top of the tower, and activated the speakers, as he pulled out a black case. An unearthly whisper seemed to permeate the air as Ren felt the irrational urge to scream and play the drums.

"Ozpin, how are we going to beat Salem? You and I both know that disco is the ultimate weapon of fear." What Ren said was true. Disco had been used as a fear tactic since the 2170s.

"Ren... Before I took this form, and after my last, I floated in an incorporeal state. And then I found the 60s. For thirty years I became one with the greatest names of Rock: Roger Waters, Ozzy Ozbourne, Paul McCartney, Ringo Starr, Danny Elfman, Kurt Cobain, that's just the tip of the iceberg. And I have found that music is the greatest power of all. Isn't that right, Salem?"

"Yes, indeed, Ozpin," called Salem, her voice amplified by a ludicrously powerful mic, "But I was one with the greatest disco artists. And you cannot hope to defeat me."

"We shall see Salem, for you have forgotten one key thing. My cane is the Relic of Knowledge. It is not my weapon." Ozpin opened the case, and fog poured out, despite there being no fog machine. An _instrument_ lay within, calling it a guitar would be an insult. With strings of pure gravity dust, an optional base contained within, the force of music that was Ozpin's weapon had four separate modes: Guitar, Guitar/Base combo, Guitarsword, and Guitaraxe. And all modes were also a gun. This was Mors Musicis, the Musical Death. And Ozpin _played._ He only played an opening riff, but it was enough to obliterate all of the Grimm within the borders of Vale City. And then Ozpin entered his ultimate form, Ultimum planum Contritio Musica Dei, or Ultimate Musical God-level Obliteration. And he did so by reaching into his jacket, pulling out a bat, and biting its head off. His suit turned black with green and red highlights, and a clock symbol crossed with a quarter-note appeared. From inside the symbol, Ozpin spoke. "Go, Ren. This is my fight. Lead the others."

"But sir, I can-"

"GO"

And so Ren left.

Ozpin and Salem's instruments flared as GRIMM turned to face Beacon Tower, and both unleashed riffs of musical destruction the likes of which had never been seen. Ozpin laughed. A laugh which belonged to Ozzy Ozbourne, and played the beginning of Crazy Train. Eldritch notes of ancient power spiraled out of Mors Musicis, and battered GRIMM. Salem countered by activating her synthesizer and firing off the chourus of September, the notes destroying Ozpin's and a few hitting Beacon. The two primordial beings leapt into the air, and engaged in close combat, Salem's keytar revealing an oozie as Ozpin fired off blasts from Mors Musicis. Above them, Barry and Eobard ran around the portal in the sky, battling one another.

"You could never win, Flash. I was always willing to go that extra mile. And now here we are at the end of things. Did you know this is the future of Earth? Not even destroying 21st century Earth averts this future. And I will always be-GHUH!"

That last bit was Barry landing a hit on Eobard.

"You talk too much."

Both speedsters were interrupted as the portal warped, a breach forming inside it. Multiple objects were visible from the Remnant side, although their exact nature remained hidden.

"Ha! Salem cheered. Now you will fear me, Ozpin. Poor Eobard has accidentally brought together... TEAM DSQO!!!"

And now those on the other side passed through. Revealing the star destroyer of Darth Sidious, The vessel of the Borg Queen, and the last thing anyone wanted to face. An Original Character.

Adam and Watts fought like madmen. That was not to say they fought in a traditional manner. Adam was driving a Nissan 370Z coupe painted black with red details and clashing with Watts, in the passenger seat of Hazel's 2017 custom green-and-black Dodge Challenger. Rap music was blaring out of their cars, but they couldn't hear it over the sound of Mors Musicis and Salem's Keytar. Watts pulled a khopesh out of the backseat and swung it against Wilt, attempting to distract Adam. Adam, however, didn't fail to notice the approaching divider, and drifted to the opposite side. Then he lowered his sword and let it skid across the concrete.

Contrary to popular belief, Adam didn't need to absorb a huge laser beam to charge his semblance. Through Wilt, he absorbed both potential and kinetic energy. Sure, he needed a second or to to charge (no bull puns intended) up his semblance, but if Wilt was dragged on concrete going, oh say 127 miles an hour for the length of a two-mile divider, then there was gonna be a crap-ton of energy just waiting to be dramatically used.

The divider ended. Watts and Hazel turned to look at Adam, gangster style, both having two tommy guns in their hands (and Hazel was still somehow managing to drive). The world faded to red and black. Adam thought, in those last few milliseconds, about how he might finally win peace for his people by destroying those who manipulated everything. He supposed Blake was right about not all humans being bad.

But then again, she said violence wasn't the answer.

Adam swung, and both cars (the surrounding few cubic miles of Grimm-and-Borg filled wasteland, too, but who cares about that, really?) disappeared in a flash of light.

Ozpin was tired. Salem he could have crushed easily, but with her allies, Sidious, the Queen, and...THAT, he wasn't so sure anymore.

"HEY" cried the OC in question "I'll have you know that just because I'm a super powered Dragon Faunus with a ludicrous amount of Aura and an OP as hell semblance of telepathy, coupled with my second semblance of time powers and my super-endanger experimental body, doesn't mean I'm one of those ludicrous 'Original Characters' that pop up all the time in anime fanfics.

Ozpin *just* prevented himself from facepalming.

"Ozpin. I have backup."

"Aww yeah!" Called Neon Katt. "Me and Flynt are here to mess you guys up."

"Well then," commented Ozpin, "I suppose we make up team ROCK."

 **I am so sorry. Please do not hate me for taking so long to update. I'll include the usual excsuses, school, life, Blah blah blah. BUT ANYWAYS! Soon (I hope) comes THE FINAL CHAPTER. Lord of the Rings for real this time!! Thanks for reading you guys, I'll let you off of this wild ride soon.**

 **-Aiellord.**


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